Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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