dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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