i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
