i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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