did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
