It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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