I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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