Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
