I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
