We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
