I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
