i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
