Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
