can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
