I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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