Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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