you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
