Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
