Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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