She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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