i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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