i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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