Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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