Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize