It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
