I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
