the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
whose parrot is this?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
