Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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