the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
