Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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