It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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