whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
