Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I am mentally ready for anal.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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