and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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