My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
