there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
