Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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