saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
