Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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