im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
