So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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