it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
