____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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