I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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