it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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