I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
