it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
