remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
are you so shy because you have an std?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
