You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
