It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
