Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
its liver damage thursday
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
