"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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