I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
