i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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