my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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