omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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