my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
