Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
