I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just googled if crying burns calories
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
my liver is dry heaving
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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