she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
