No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
