i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
