I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
