Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
