Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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