Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
