u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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