help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
