Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
