I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I would fuck him just for his dog
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