i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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