Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
