are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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