The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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