I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize