like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
