i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
