After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
