hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
