I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
